...Music & Lyrics...

No, not the movie.

Anyone who has been in my car (or with me where there is music) for longer than an hour would know that I relate music to all aspects of my life. I'm pretty sure I have a song for everything. I like to link the different areas of my life, and music is a huge aspect of my doing that.

If there was a significant event in my life, significant people, fun times with friends where a song was involved, I remember the importance of these things and people in relation to the songs. It's part of my remembering. Music and lyrics are a part of my life.

The following are ways in which music is a part of me:
Mom: In My Daughters Eyes by Martina McBride
I Will Be by Natalie Grant

Dad: She Don't Know She's Beautiful by Sammy Kershaw
You Don't Have to Let Go by Jessica Simpson (Father-Daughter song for wedding)

Wedding: Tonight Is The Night by Betty Wright

Jesus: Often times when people are praying, or make small statements, they remind me of
worship songs...random, but AMAZING.

CARWASH (room mate upbeat songs that we deem important in washing our cars)

These are just a few specific ones. There are definitely WAY MORE. But, it's time for me to go to bed, because unfortunately I have a 7 am class, and then have to work. So I have a long day ahead of me tomorrow.

I have a feeling I will be blogging quite a bit to come, so stay tuned.

RE-UNITED

The FAB 4
Jeni & Brit (aka Speef)
Jenna & Jeni (the Jen's!)
Becky & Jeni (aka Becky-sita & Jeni-sita)

Reunited and it feels so good, that song comes to mind when I begin thinking of the reunion that the FAB4 had last night. The last time we were all together was when we celebrated finals being over in the Spring. I was gone for Jenna's wedding, so the FAB4 was incomplete. We finally were able to get together last night, and as always, we had a BLAST. We met at Beck's and then went to In & Out (cuz Brit and I were craving it) then we headed over to the Glass House for some Tyrone Wells time!!! We needed to waste some time, and we somehow ended up wandering into a bridal shop, and the lady working there, Angie, wisped Becky away and made her the next bride to be. It was quite an experience, and now is making us all look forward to marriage that much more. Except for Jenna, she's gonna get to re-live the wedding experience through all of us, she's the expert now - I think we decided that. After we shopped for Becky's future wedding dress (which I believe she found) it was GORGEOUS!!! we went to see Tyrone. Jason Reeves opened for him, and he was really good. Some new fav. songs now, that's for sure. It was the first time I had ever really listened to Tyrone, and he seriously was the BEST. I'm sure that will be a new tradition for the FAB4. Check out his new single, Patience - it comes out on Tuesday. After the show we went to BJ's, a tradition when we get together!!

I am fine, REALLY!

Ok, so this is my first ever VENTING blog. People, seriously, I AM FINE! I may not appear that way, but honestly, and truly, I am fine. I think I might not be ok if everyone keeps asking me that and trying to figure whatever "it" is out. There isn't an "it"!!!!

I have just had a lot of stuff on my heart and mind lately, and I've been thinking. Once I get to thinking about something, it's hard to get my mind off of it. There are some tough things to think about, some decisions that need to be made, and none of the above come easily - especially in relation to my future and where I'm going. I don't know exactly what I'm thinking right now, but when I do - I will write about it I'm sure.

For now, I'm looking forward to a normal schedule and a routine. Where I can make plans for the weeks to come and be able to schedule out my days like I'm used to. This up and down, all around stuff is starting to wear on me - please don't be offended if I say I need "Jeni time" trust me, if I say I need it, I need it. I may be extroverted most of the time, but I'm starting to wear down because of people overload. "Jeni time" is my introverted time, where I can get rejouvenated and have some peace.

And with that thought, I'm off for some Jeni time and gonna read a new book! Hallelujah!

…I Have a Confession to Make…

I went to Sandals tonight, as I’ve been going with Greg & Tami Cash for the past couple weeks. It has been awesome. Tonight was about confessing one to another, and praying for each other. I have been wanting a mentor in my life, and I think that time is finally here – time to be serious about seeking and making time for something of the sort to be an active part of my life. For too long now I’ve been trying to do it Jeni’s way, and that obviously isn’t working. Well, it’s been sufficient, but not enough…because it’s NEVER enough when we try to do something on our own – we were created to rely on Him. I definitely have not been relying on Him for everything. He deserves so much more for me, and in accountability and confession, I hope to bring Him more.

Something that stuck out particularly to me was when (1) Pastor Neil posed the question/thought: “Are you choosing fake community over real intimacy?” Maybe I am, maybe I’m not. By my decisions to come, I’ll be deciding this for myself. Do I simply like someone because it’s appealing to have attention, or do I genuinely like them? Is it something I’m about because I like the thought of it, or because I like the reality of it? Do I like it because others notice it and are willing to invest time in me because of it? All of these things crossed my mind. I may truly like this person, or I may be after it for the big picture. I don’t know. Truly time will tell, but this calls on a true observation of my heart, actions, and life as a whole. If I don’t do this now – I may cause hurt for myself, and potentially hurt for another. We’ll see where things go. I truly think God used the message tonight to open my eyes to the realities of me not giving Him the least bit of what He requires of me. It’s time for action…no doubt.

Another sermon point that is weighing on me is to “start acting in love, so as NOT to be selfish!” When we truly love others (like 1 Corinthians 16:14 – “Let all you do be done in love.”) we are putting our own needs aside in order to put others as more valuable and important. When we do this, we are eliminating the chances of being selfish. After doing the love languages test and reading the book, the ways I express my love and receive love from others is by Quality Time & Gifts. I have often felt that in gift giving, people think I’m trying to win them over (for FOCUS people, yes I have Woo!) but it’s not as to do it in a negative way. I love to do small things to remind people that they are thought of and that they are special to me. I also love to do things to encourage people…it’s part of how He wired me I suppose. (Actually, I know…I don’t suppose that.)

Well, this is my piece of mind for now. More to come sometime.

Contentment

Contentment...what is contentment? According to dictionary.com, contentment is "happiness with one's situation in life"

I can truly say that where I am right now, is at a place of content. I have been doing much thinking lately, and it has been driving me nuts, but thinking is good. If we don't think about things - how do we really know how we feel? We may think we know - but the more thought we give to something, we see whether we really do know, or if we simply need to give it more thought...thus, we're presented with an ever present cycle of "thinking"

You may wonder what in life is making me content. If you are...continue to read, if not, disregard and go read someone else's blog :o)
#1, I am content because of Christ. I would not be content if I did not have a loving, forgiving, and gracious Father, who is my Savior!! To know that I am loved unconditionally by Him, no matter what I look like, no matter what I think, say, or do - if I come to Him with a repentant heart and a desire to serve Him, He welcomes me with open arms - there is not much more contentment than that.
#2, I am content because in 12 days I get to move into a house (which we're making a home) with 5 friends: Beth Crowell, Britt Ingold, Nancy Barrales, Candy Teague & Kendra Faulkner. What an exciting time. I truly cannot wait to live with these women, ahhhh WAHOOOOOOO! Pictures of our home will definitely be posted...probably after orientation, after we get all settled in - so expect pictures sometime in beg. of September.
#3, I am content because I got to be open with a friend, and they were open in return. You know when you just wonder something for so long, but don't know how to ask it, because you don't want things to be awkward, and you don't want them to take it the wrong way - well I was feeling just that, for about 2 months now. But didn't know how to bring it up. Finally, I got bold enough, and just asked. I know I didn't ask what I wanted to know in the right manner, but we were able to talk about it a little more later, and things are fine. No need to think there will be awkwardness.
#4 (really #3 cont'd), I am content, because I don't feel a need to want to like someone, or to be liked in return. This is weird, and I'm not even sure if my words are portraying my feelings properly...but I will try my best. If you know you like someone, why do you search somewhere else to see if you can find something better? Usually I've always been the type to keep the open mind, but for some reason, my mind and heart keep coming back to one person. Could it be that I really really really like this person? I would say YES!!! I have never liked anyone like I like him, and I don't know what the difference is. Maybe it's different because I'm more mature now - I dunno, my last relationship was in uhhh, June 2005 (so over 3 years ago). But, when you like someone, it doesn't mean you have to be in a relationship. Of course, in time, and in development of the friendship/relationship, you may see that you're better as friends - or that you can potentially be together...but you can't limit your friendship in the present, you must just continue to develop the friendship you have, and see where God leads it. This is exactly where the "in time" and "we'll see" come into the picture. Out of love & respect for one another though, be honest with one another, and see where things go. If you're like me, and you know in your heart of hearts that you don't want to pursue a relationship with anyone else right now, stick to that - but have people around you that can see the situation as a whole, to make sure you're not just sitting around, waiting for their time only, where you're a convenient person to have around - that's not what friendships or relationships are about - DON'T SETTLE, and certainly don't be used. With that said, I'm content with where I'm at in the friendship/relationship stage of life...and am looking to stay where I'm at.
#5, I am content because I will graduate December 19, 2008!!! Wahoo. Though if you ask me in a couple months, I probably won't be so content, as I will have to be looking for a full time job. But, I'll cross that bridge when I get there.
#6, I am content because I figured out that I've been best friends with Melissa for nearly 10 years! 2 weeks from now, we're going on a trip to the very 1st place we ever went as friends - how exciting. I guess you could say we'll celebrate our 10 year anniversary of being friends :o)
#7, I am content because I just got all of this off of my mind...and I hope it made sense!!!

If you've managed to make it to this point - congratulations, sorry for the different ways I went, but that's just how my mind works!!!

<3...The Five Love Languages...<3

I know I have told a few people about this book, but the Five Love Languages for Singles by Gary Chapman is now one of my favorite books. I have never in my life learned so much about myself and others all at the same time.

You may wonder why I even bought the book, or became interested in it in the 1st place. Well, I was having a good conversation with a certain special someone, and he cared to say he wasn't sure he really knew how to love someone, at least in the ways they deserve to be loved, respected & cared for. It took a lot for him to say that, but for him to say it, has meant so much. I think these days we all are trying to make ourselves out to understand it all, and then when we have a hard time, we feel like we can't talk to anyone about it, because we should have all the answers. But the truth is, we don't have all the answers - and Christ made us to be relational beings. Without other people around us, we wouldn't be complete. Sure, some of us enjoy less people, some more, but if you narrow it down - there are always people you have in your life that you must depend on, or you would be incomplete. In our conversation, I asked if he had ever read the 5 Love Languages. Problem is, I said it like I knew all about it, when in fact, I'd only ever heard a sermon on it - and that was my freshman year of college, and that was by Matt Brown. At that time, thru the sermon, I understood that my Love Language was Physical Touch. About a year ago, I did an online assessment and it said Acts of Service. But, back to the conversation. He said no he hadn't, just had heard it mentioned here and there in sermons, and from the FOCUS class offered at our university. I said, same here...and then we let that go.

The next day I continued to think of our conversation (I'm a thinker, if you didn't know that, I soak up everything, and consider it all time & time again). I realized that I wanted to read this book, because I really knew nothing about the 5 Love Languages. I started looking online at Border's, Barne's & Noble, and then Berean. I realized that there are a ton of 5 Love Languages, one for married couples, one for singles, one for children, and the list goes on. I called the book stores & they only had one copy. Luckily, Berean had quite a few. I didn't want to buy the book only for him, because I wanted to figure things out too. Do I really know how to love people?? So, I bought the book and read it in about 2 days.

The 5 Love Languages are: Quality Time, Words of Affirmation, Gifts, Acts of Service, & Physical Touch. From reading the book & doing the assessment included, I learned that my Love Language is Quality Time, with Gifts in a close 2nd. The more I think upon these 2 things, I see how apparent they are in my life. I LOVE to spend time with people. Whether it's just sitting and watching a movie, TV, etc. I love being in the presence of those who are close to me. It makes me feel loved to be able to spend time. The other is gifts. No, not big, expensive gifts (though I don't turn those away, hahaha) but the small things, the inbetween things, these are what mean most to me. Thinking about it right now, there are little things in my car that I've received over the years, and I keep them because they remind me of people in my life. If you know me, you know I'm a PEOPLE PERSON! I would go crazy if I didn't have a constant flow of people in my life. In my car, I have a little paper mache flower made by Callista Grace (she made it at preschool, and I picked her up the day she made it, so she wanted me to have it), I have a little mirror sticker on my hazard light button from Debbie Long (given to me when we were making crafts for the Women's Retreat last year), I have mardi gras beads (which were from Beth on my 20th bday, no matter what the cop wanted to believe!!!), I have the teddy bear on my shifter (from The Boys when The Girls did a v-day dinner with all the friends...it was on the vase of flowers, I let them keep the flowers, I have the bear), I have a ring on a string (from Jenna's bachelorette weekend) and I think that's all for in my car. In my room & in the house, there are umpteen things that I have received from people, and everytime I see the gifts, I'm reminded of my time with them.

When you learn someone else's love language, you learn to love them the way that makes them feel loved. It's easy to do things that we like to have done for us, but if we really want people to be valued and loved by us, we need to love them in ways that make them feel special. Read the book, you'll learn a lot - and for sure, your relationships (of all kinds, not just dating ones) will be improved.

The certain special someone shared his with me last night, and it wasn't one that I expected for him. But the more and more I thought about it, it's exactly him. Lucky for me, we have the same love language, so now I know what will mean most :o) His 2nd love language, now that I'll have to work on!

Friendships, relationships, family, etc. relational things take work, and I think we've gotten too comfortable doing just what we like to do. It's time to step out & fulfill 1 Corinthians 16:14,

"Let all you do be done in love."

That was then, this is now...

It sure has been some time since I've posted. In between that last post and now, I have had some eventful things happen.

From June 8-28th, I was gone to Romania for my ISP trip with our amazing team: Roxi & I, Ashley, Alyssa, Michelle, Rebeca, Shareen, Dave, Lucas & Mat. When we were there, we got to work at an orphanage, work at a camp that the orphans get to go to during the summer, and worked with people in local villages. It truly was a blessing to be His hands & feet. Many people have asked what the most significant part of my trip was, and I would say, it was the things that Christ opened my eyes to. We read a book, Celebration of the Disciplines, and in the first 2 chapters, I knew I was being called to change. One specific part stuck with me, and has been a challenge to uphold, but that is to not make expectations for others to withold if I'm not willing to uphold them myself. Tough, but necessary lesson to learn. Also, my love and passion to serve children was made clear. I definitely have a gift with children, and can't wait to have some of my own someday (plenty of days from now though!!!) The last 7 days there, I was sick. When I came home, I spent the 1st night at Urgent Care, was put on 3 antibiotics, and have been feeling good now (this is day 5 of feeling GREAT!!!) Needless to say, coming home was nice, but my heart is still there.

Since then, I've gone back to work, and have spent time with family & friends. I got to go to Forest Falls w/ Roxi & Hillary, had a great time. I had some pretty crazy falls, but I guess that's expected when Jeni does anything - it always happens to me. I fell 3 times: #1, I was climbing a big boulder, as soon as I pushed off my foot slipped and I couldn't grip the rock because it was wet from the Falls, so Hillary SAVED my life, she pulled me up, and I just layed on the rock for a couple minutes, thankful to be alive. #2, we were coming down (cuz we hiked all the way up!) and I slipped, and my butt went into the waterfall, so I looked like I peed. #3, we were on the flat part at the end of the trail, and I tried to step OVER a rock, but my right foot wasn't set, and I came down only to FACE PLANT into the rock. Roxi got a picture, I'll have to post it soon. My scab is going away now :o)

And now, I'm just enjoying life. Trying to figure out what's ahead, 5 months from now, I'll be graduating college. Real life here I come :o)

Well, I need to get some sleep, but there are definitely some things on my mind/heart that I will post about soon: Love Languages, The Past (and Present), Risks...I will post on those soon!